Love on Ottomatic

WHY ME? Believe it or not this isn’t a question that I asked myself or the Universe before Sunday.  It’s not a question I ever asked before when all of the other amazing and wonderful things were happening to me or for me in this life, so it wasn’t a question I was dwelling on now that I’ve been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  That might be hard for some to believe or understand, but it’s my whole truth.

 

The Fundraiser at Shine this Sunday was UNBELIEVABLE, thanks again Lee, for so many reasons; to be surrounded by so many beautiful, positive and supportive people from EVERY stage of my Life was indeed my first “Cancer Treatment Session”…and Yes; it was both aggressive and effective!  A little overwhelming; at times…but necessary!

 

~It was like trying to sip from a Fire Hydrant of LOVE~

 

My Family and I sat there for a couple hours receiving Hugs, Sharing Stories of Triumph and Survival, a lot of Laughs and a few sweet Tears.  Thank you to everyone that was able to come over and spend a minute, every one of our interactions was vital to me and a step on my path to full recovery.  Many of you brought your ideas about “WHY Otto” to me and I’d like to try and share with you what you all said and what I now believe:

 

Here’s what you said, or at least what I heard: Why Otto?

 

• Because you are Strong enough and surrounded by enough LOVE to survive this and move on.  LOVE: Yes, I certainly am loved in this life and I want to thank all of YOU for that.  You’ve demonstrated that with your financial support, your words of encouragement and your presence at Shine on Sunday and in my life!  STRENGTH: Sure I’m a Big Dood and I’m ready for a BIG FIGHT against these nasty little Cancer Cells; but that can’t be the whole story, right?
• It’s time for me to focus on healing and improving myself; If mine is to be a path of longevity and service to others I must make some radical changes.  I have lot’s of good/hard work left to do and I need my Mind, Body, Spirit and Soul to be intact and at their best to take on those challenges.  I must now Perfect my instrument to do more good work.  Yes friends, it’s time to eat those Veggies and get plenty of sleep.  My new favorite color needs to be “Brussels Sprouts”!
• Learn to Ask for Help and Experience being assisted: Sunday you said that I’ve always been there for other people and held a space of strength for them when they were in their time of need, thank you.  I was told that this is all a lesson in experiencing weakness/vulnerability and asking for other’s help…this doesn’t come naturally for me so it is a HUGE lesson in humility, grace, and receiving with pride and dignity.  You said that I need to learn this to be better at helping others in the future, that I need to understand the role of the assisted before I can truly assist.  I’m listening and learning!  
• Serve as an example to others struggling with disease and to those of you around me.  This has been a enormous “wake up call” for me and I know for a lot of you.  To be asked to face and resolve feelings about mortality at 40 isn’t what I thought I would be doing right now, believe me…but it is and I embrace it.  So, for now my “Full Time Job” is being healthy and beating CANCER.  I hope you all take this pause in your life to ask what you could be doing better for YOU too.  Eat more veggies, get plenty of rest and look around you to see the magic that is Every Day!  Focus on what makes you happy and whole; Family and Friends and the people you Love.  Do that and you can stop worrying about living a LONG life and enjoy living a FULL ONE!

 

One last note about Sunday night; My Father was there!  Yes, it was his first foray into San Francisco Club culture and he could have easily been judgmental about it; “it’s too loud “, or “why’s that nice little man wearing a Dress?”  But, not Don Schutt; when I got home and asked him what he thought he simply said: “Son; I wish your Mother was alive to see that.  She would have been very PROUD of you and your friends and all that you do for each other”! 

 

Give thanks,

Ops~

 

Ps: The Cancer Cells HATE all this LOVE, so please keep it up! 

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Sending Love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.